Smommy?

 The one piece of writing advice I have always followed, and dispense often to my students, is to write what you know.  I believe I gleaned this little nugget from Harriet the Spy, my most favorite book. The best inspiration most often comes from real life. The truest voice most definitely comes from experience, and my writing has always resonated strongly when I write from the heart, from what I know.

One of my main focuses (foci?) for creating a blog was to discuss what it's like to be a step-parent. My mentor recently suggested that I use my unique perspective in the world to get back into writing, and I know part of that perspective is coming in to a preexisting family and trying to find my place. I've been in Norah's life since she turned 2. She doesn't remember life without me, and while that has certainly made our transition easier, the hiccups and struggles of step-parenting still exist. I know there are enough parenting blogs, step-parenting blogs, blended family blogs, etc. to make someone want to live alone under a bridge just for the peace and quiet, so I don't claim to be any kind of expert. What I know, however, is that being a stepmom is not easy. There are very few thanks for stepping in and raising someone else's child (though I do my very best to consider Norah my own child) but plenty of criticisms. I've struggled, and still very much do, to be honest, with jealousy over the relationships that existed before me. These relationships include the one that made Norah, and the one she and her father share that I can't be a part of. Yes, he proposed to me, yes he vowed to be my partner until death, and yes, he has made it clear that we are a family now, all of us included, but a part of me (that really ugly part inside that rears her head from time to time and says particularly nasty things about me) worries I'm still an outsider. My insecurities and anger only hinder me from fully enjoying the beautiful life that I live, and it really is up to me to get past these feelings, but I have to admit that I feel them. I'd rather be real and fess up to the immature, selfish, whiny version of me that still exists than pretend I've got it all together.

I still remember talking to a hairdresser just before my wedding about my soon-to-be family dynamic. She told me that her stepdaughters call her Smommy (for step-mommy), and I thought that was cute but not for me. To Norah, I'm just Erica. She loves me for who I am, regardless of title, and I'm trying to learn how to love that way, too. Follow along as I try to make it work!



On a side note, I also want to use this blog to keep track of the things I'm reading. I love hearing book recommendations from others, and I've always wanted to record my reading but have never figured out a way to stick with it. I'll try to end my posts with what I'm reading and a recommendation here and there. This week I finished Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible, and it is an amazing piece of work. If you like to connect with characters and come away from a book feeling changed, this one is definitely worth a read.