Weighty issues

Good morning, blogosphere! Zach took Norah to the Y to participate in the Guinness Book of World Records' largest swim lesson, so Levi and I are hanging out around the house together. He's currently scooching across the floor toward Norah's Barbie RV (at 7 months he already has an affinity for leggy blondes with big boobs... definitely a Vince) and whining because he isn't in my arms but instead 20 inches away from me. That's one of his new favorite pastimes, the whining. Can't say I'm in support of it.

Today I plan to get a walk in with my boy and/or the dog. It's a bit much for little ol' me to handle the stroller and an excitable puppy, but I may give it a whirl. I also need to tackle Jillian Michaels' "30 Day Shred" workout. My first day of the 30 was yesterday, and I am SORE. Like, ridiculously sore for someone who looks like she has sculpted arms and some level of physical fitness. Evidently carrying a baby and a carseat does NOT count as working out. I decided I should push myself to do the DVD for 30 days and see if I actually will be shredded come the end of it. More than that end goal, though, I want to actually choose a plan and stick to it for once in my life. I tend to be a bit of a quitter when it comes to self-imposed plans. Case in point--I have yet to cook this week's meal. Tonight's our last dinner as a foursome (Norah goes back to her mom for 5 days and Zach is back on duty) so I better hop to choosing a recipe!

Thinking about working out got me to thinking about Norah and some of the comments I've heard her make. She vacillates between thinking "fat" is inherently bad (she called one of her grandmothers fat a few months ago, which lead to a conversation about how everyone is different and we shouldn't comment on the way people look) and thinking she needs to put some meat on her bones since she can't keep her pants up. I am trying my best not to saddle her with my body image noise, but as any parent can attest, it is so difficult to shield your child from the media. She sees commercials, movies, music videos, and even cartoons with thin women in revealing clothing. She hears weight loss advertisements and understands the importance of being physically active. I want to find a way to keep all of those pieces from creating a demon in her brain like one so many girls wind up having. I see most of my female students struggling with weight and self-confidence. I hate knowing how insecure they feel and feeling powerless to help stop their worries. I can imagine the thoughts they have because I have had them.

I have struggled with my body image for years. I think it began when I was about 11 or 12. That is 15 years of worrying about my weight! More than half of my life has been spent wishing I could lose just 5 pounds. It's ridiculous and sad. I'm aware of that, yet I still catch myself wishing I could buy a smaller pant size or have less jiggle in my middle. Having a daughter now makes me realize that it's a habit I MUST break. I cannot let her hear me say negative things about my body or else she will begin to internalize them. She is beautiful and funny and smart, and her value does not come from what she looks like. As a parent, that is so obvious to me. Why I can't see that about myself I don't know, but I'm certainly going to try harder. Norah deserves to feel confident, strong, and amazing, because that is exactly who she is. Helping her to see that, and helping my students to value themselves based on what's inside, is something on my to-do list that I will not quit.